broken connection
by day dreaming dreamer
Summary: "They have forged an unwanted connection through the force. As much as she longs for his presence to go away, she realizes that he's not going anywhere. Kylo Ren is here to stay, and he burns permanent imprints in Rey's mind." Kylo/Rey.


_**broken connection:**_

 _"We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep."_

* * *

Rey almost always feels him in the night. She always tries not to, (believe her, she tries with every ounce of strength she has) because all that brings her is needless confusion. She feels him when the sun or suns dim, and when the planets begin to light back up. They have forged a connection through the force, and as much as she longs for his presence to go away, she realizes that he's not going anywhere. Kylo Ren is here to stay, and he burns permanent imprints in Rey's mind.

Sometimes he's thoughtful. It's odd that she has managed to schedule his order of emotions, but somehow it happened. In the brink of morning light, he's thoughtful. She feels the smell of old books and paper, and even occasionally hears the sharp flip of a page. It's all in her head, but it makes her stomach churn by how innocent the concept of _Kylo Ren reading_ is. During this time, she's usually just getting up. Stretching. Lying in bed and escaping the unconsciousness (begrudgingly) of her mind. It's like the calm before the storm, and she latches onto the tranquility for as long as she can. During the peace, it's almost as if they aren't mortal enemies. It's as if they weren't too sides to a different coin, and she can almost pretend that they're friends rather than enemies. Even simply just two people that have bonded over the instability of their powers and sanity. She hates him, but as the days past of constantly feeling him, she begins to understand him. And she pities him.

He's depressed. A lot. That's what fuels his mind most days, and she feels the sinking feeling as if it were her own. He thinks about drinking poison. He thinks about dying. He thinks about ending his life himself, and while she should rejoice at the thought, it pains her. It doesn't make any sense, she wants to seethe to him, but she smothers down her questions. He can't know she's been lurking over him, prying open his mind when she knows he won't notice, and taking a slip inside. It's an illogical addiction, a reckless one, and she can't stop herself. His force clashes with hers, dark to light, red to blue, and good to evil. She knows it's not that simple— just because they're just on opposite sides of a spectrum doesn't mean that they're opposites. In fact, she has more similarities with him than anyone.

She gets irritated more and more these days. She knows Leia notices. It's familiar to the general (painfully familiar) because Rey is reflecting what Kylo is feeling. What Ben is feeling. And Rey hates him. She hates everyone. There are days where she wants to go to the remains of the first order and make it crumble. There are days where she wants to kill him herself, make him beg for mercy, slash more scars on his face, and ask him _why_. For Han. For anyone he's killed. To speak the words the others could not. She slashes at random objects with her light saber— a stupid habit she's picked up from _him_ and her incessant snooping— and Leia usually knows that's a good time to bring out tea. It makes her angry that they've become so similar. It makes her enraged to know that he's probably watching her, just as she's been watching him.

He feels confused.

Hurt.

Lost. Especially lost.

His loneliness is like banging drums to her ears. She feels his emptiness when she's about to fall asleep, when she's enshrouded in darkness. She nearly scoffs whenever she feels his loneliness. As if she hadn't had enough of that already. She tries to justify her cruelty. _He had a chance_ , she tells herself. _Han was willing to forgive everything,_ anything _, and Kylo murdered him for it._

They're so in synch now.

When he cries, she cries.

It's during the most unusual times. It happens when she's working on the Millennium Falcon. Finn hands her a wrench, a tool, like usual, and suddenly there's dampness on her cheeks. Trailing down to her lips. Leaving a clean pathway in between the oil and down to her lips. Finn doesn't know what to do, so he pats her awkwardly on the shoulder. Gives her a rough punch to the shoulder. He's not very good with crying women, (and it is out of character for her to cry, but blast it all, she _can't help it_ ) but BB-8 is, and the droid nuzzles up against her and purrs in a continuation of beeps.

She hates him.

She understands him.

Whatever connection they have forged, she wants it to snap. To break like a rubber band.

It's the middle of the night. She feels his fear suddenly, and she somehow knows Ben is dreaming of his father, and she knows he's just woken up from a nightmare. He's crying, and she starts to. She rolls down on her bed, tugging the thin covers up. She closes her eyes, feeling the wetness on her chin, and she tries to pull away from him. His loneliness is back. It throbs against her as if it's her own heart, and it's a feeling she's felt most of her life. So she takes a deep breath, and thinks of him.

She sends him comfort.

She knows he feels it, because the tears stop. Suddenly. Abruptly. Rey feels nothing then, and she feels herself pushing fruitlessly against a wall. She exhales, frustrated, and closes her eyes. If he doesn't want her comfort, then fine. She'll refuse to send him anymore of what little empathy she has last.

It's only when she's on the brink of sleep does he send back compassion.

* * *

 **A/N: This is pro** **bably really awful. It's a drabble, and I kind of just word vomited all the over Word, but I thought I'd share it. I really cannot get enough of these two - MY ENTIRE FAMILY SHUT UP THEY'RE NOT RELATED I SWEEEARRRR-**

 **My Reylo headcanons: (because why not share my fantastical headcanons with the fanfiction community)**

 **My #1 headcanon is that Rey and Kylo feel each other with the force. Mostly at night (because they have no control over where their force goes while sleeping) or at inconvenient moments (while they're distracted because they know it's wrong to unblock the enemy. (i.e love of their life)**

 **Leia and Rey have tea time, just like Ben and Leia used to have.**

 **Kylo has nightmares about killing his father almost every night.**

 **Review?**

 **Oh, and feel free to request me a Reylo prompt, because I'm running out of steam for more ideas.**


End file.
